Deserted

You came into my life
And you touched my heart
You bring back my smiles
And you make me laugh
In my silence you see my pain
And you make it all end
You are my solace...my mirth
In the arms of the angel I lie
And now you left me lonely.

Choices

There comes a time in your life when you arrive at a crossroad. In this moment you must carefully choose your path. Will you fight to stay on the road knowing too well that this happiness is only momentary and will eventually lead to more heartaches and condemnation? And will you be able to live with the stigma that could be attached to you for life? If you opt for a more honorable road would what you have forsaken be worth all the sacrifices?

Gazing far along the trail and visualizing remotely even a single meek road towards happiness--however fleeting it may be--which path would you choose--the more noble one which is a surefire for a lifetime of misery or a somewhat unethical road that promises some brief emotional satiation?

Pride and Joy 3 (trailer)

The Alleged 'Syndrome' Resurfaces

I think my imagination is too vivid--leaning towards something detrimental. I tend to fathom the worst in a situation. Life's too good! I am being inanely paranoid, especially these days.

"When life gives you lemon, make lemonade out of it", "Look on the bright side of things", "Life is what you make it". These and many phrases I can quote. But I certainly am not practicing what I preach. I freely hand out encouraging quotes to people who're in distress. But what happens when it's me? I freeze out. I blur out. I black out. I know not what to do, nor how to handle my own emotions.

This empty nest thing shouldn't be this bad. I should be able to cope with it and tone it down. Instead, I seem to be breaking down time and again. Some circumstances aren't even worth distressing about. Yet, off I go on my wondrous land of agony. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Subconsciously, do I feel that I don't deserve to be unconditionally happy? Who knows? Maybe I do feel this way but am oblivious to it.

The subconscious is a sneaky yet powerful thing. It lurks and it looms...and it awaits...sort of saying-- "Don't put your guard down, or else...". And down comes my guard. And the submerged emerges.

An Epiphany

I got it! All the emptiness, all the dejection--my sons have flown the nest! At first I couldn't pinpoint what it is--brainstorming so hard to find the answers to my melancholy. Suddenly it all became clear! Of course! I'm going through an empty nest syndrome!

Even though my sons are living here with me under my roof, they lead their own somewhat independent lives now. Some days I get to see them late at night when they get back. Other days talking with them on the phone would have to suffice. How hard it is, sometimes. Never the less, I am happy for them. I am happy for their successes and their happiness. I wish them more and more happiness and successes.

My hobbies--they do not satisfy me any more. I feel like I'm not getting enough emotional gratification from them. To make matters worse, I feel intellectually starved. Something needs to be done. This dismal can not be ignored.

An Epiphany

I got it! All the emptiness, all the dejection--definitely because of this empty nest thing. At first I couldn't pinpoint what it was--brainstorming so hard to find the answer to my melancholy. Suddenly it became clear! Of course! I'm going through an empty nest syndrome!

Even though my sons are living here with me under my roof, they lead their own independent lives now. Some days I get to see them late at night when they get back. Other days talking with them on the phone would have to suffice. How hard it is, sometimes. Never the less, I am happy for them. I am happy for their success and their happiness. I wish them more happiness and success.

My hobbies--they do not satisfy me any more. I feel like I'm not getting what I need from them. I feel emotionally and intellectually starved.